ROOTLESS

dear mom, Happy very belated birthday, Mom. I wanted to take the day off just so I could be outside alone somewhere, but I had a plant trial and a presentation that day. I also started this letter just shy of a month ago. And I found myself returning to this feeling that every day that goes by is another day late to writing you a birthday letter. And now we're into Mother's Day. This day feels a little different recently. It's because I have friends who are moms themselves no

dear mom, When I was in grad school, I was blindsided by a short but intense relationship. It was definitely that I didn't expect to date anyone for the short time that I was planning to be in Wisconsin. But he came out of no where and he gave me attention and he gave me excitement and he wanted to be with me despite the distance. So I said yes. Let's try it. I did like him, and I did like his company, and I looked forward to our visits. But if I'm honest, I felt content livi

dear mom, Tonight I'm thinking about what I deserve. My friends remind me over and over to protect my peace, and I want so desperately to know how to do that effectively. I wonder how differently I would receive love if you had been able to raise me. There's a lot of talk about attachment theory these days - I'd love to know what you'd think of it. Was human behavior and psychology something you were interested in? I feel like this is the kind of stuff Dad would scoff at. His

dear mom, I think the phrase "identity crisis" always made me cringe a little. It just feels silly - to have a crisis of identity? It seemed odd to not resolutely know who you are. Recently though, I've been challenged to answer that simple question: Who am I? I feel like I have writer's block just thinking about this question. Like isn't it obvious who I am? Do I have to answer this question? Yet somehow this question of who I am brought me to the realization that I never re

dear mom, Here I go - starting the first of likely many rambling thoughts I have about my love life. Or maybe lack thereof. Did you ever...

dear mom, Grief has felt a little different these last couple weeks. I found my old home videos - the ones you religiously documented to...

dear mom, Everyone made growing up sound so regimented. I have to imagine you would've supported and pushed the same ideals: graduate -...

dear mom, I don't know you at all. How can I crave your existence every night when I don't even know you? We just got back from China,...

dear mom, It sounds silly to list it as a reason to be unhappy, but... there is no Asian grocery store in Santa Cruz. It's just that, how...

dear mom, Today is not a day for psychoanalysis. I'm both not sure there's anything to say and sure that I can't untangle what I do want...

dear mom, I'm on week 3 of my new home, new life. It's more like new home, transition life, as I've gone back to Oakland the past couple...

dear mom, It's weird, but it feels like my life is about to end. Not even in a dramatic way. It's just that, I have this sense that there...

dear mom, I didn't write to you on mother's day though I intended to. I spent the entire day at home in intentional isolation because I...

dear mom, I didn't really celebrate your birthday, but I was very aware as it was approaching. And then I was aware on Saturday when I...

dear mom, Originally, the main thing I needed to fill you in on was that my therapist went on maternity leave, and she'll be on maternity...

dear mom, A college roommate of mine once said something like, "Well Amelia, you'll start relating to people as you get older and...

dear mom, We're entering the holiday season once again. I've done 22 of these without you already - what's 1 (to 49) more? I still...

dear mom, You know, I was advised to write you letters by my last therapist. I was asked to read it aloud at my sessions, which gave me...